English rant #12: Hebonics

Making aliyah has presented the Cap’n and me with some interesting challenges where our children are concerned.  We were delighted at the thought of coming to Israel where our children would learn to speak fluent Hebrew, understand holy texts and the prayer book, and generally master a language their parents only began to tackle seriously in their mid-twenties.

Oy, but what it’s done to their English!  Our kids learn and play during the day in Hebrew, then come home.  The only decent English speakers they hear in their off-hours are the Cap’n and me, and the rest of the English speakers they encounter—their peers, most of whom have been here longer than we—usually speak atrocious English.  And we are finding that no amount of correction seems to have the effect of improving their speech—a first sign of the value of peers over parents in some aspects of a child’s life.

Below are a few examples of the simply awful constructions they use:

If…so. This is Hebonics for if…then.  Example: “If you’re cold, so go put on a sweater.”
Or…or instead of either…or.  “I want or a cookie or a brownie.”
What instead of something, as in, “You’re from Newton too?  We have what to talk about!”
To let sans object.  Example: “Gee, walking that close to the edge of the cliff looks dangerous.  Does your Ima let?”
Take, also sans object.  “You want one of these oranges?  So take!” (So is optional here.)
Make, as in void.  This bothers me less (it’s pretty cute when Banana says it), though it’s clearly Hebrew/Eastern-Seaboard-Jewish and not what the Cap’n and I grew up with.
The verb to be sans object.  Peach has been doing this a lot lately: “I wanted to show this to Chaya yesterday, but she wasn’t.”  This doesn’t mean Chaya ceased to exist, but that she wasn’t there.

Much of what I encounter in the name of Hebonics is actually perfect Hebrew just translated into English.  (In fact, I can sometimes learn a good deal about Hebrew grammar and how to say things correctly in that language by listening to the mistakes Israelis make in English.)  But like jokes in a foreign language, Hebrew grammar should be reserved for Hebrew speech, and English grammar used when speaking English.

It should also be noted that I have heard many adults speak using some of these awful-isms, both here and in the Jewish world in the U.S.  Either these adults didn’t learn grammar, the grammar they did learn they just forgot, or living in Israel so long made them just surrender to the assaults on English here.

Whatever it is, I’ve found a new nails-on-the-chalkboard to add to my collection.  Whoopee.

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