I drive to the Yellow Hill near Alon Shvut in Gush Etzion a few times a week, taking the kids to swim lessons or gymnastics. Our route there frequently passes Arab shepherds herding goats or sheep, speeding Arab taxis ferrying passengers between Hebron and Bethlehem, Arabs on horseback or driving donkey-drawn carts.
Somehow, these sights often inspire commentary from Peach (the only political animal among my children so far). The other day, while driving with my kids in the car, Peach announced, “I hate Arabs.”
It’s difficult sometimes to temper my young children’s reactions to the things they hear around them. A family we know lost their son, murdered at the Mercaz HaRav yeshiva a few years ago. The murderer? An Arab. The four people killed in a car just south of here in August were killed by an Arab. The security fence (some sections of which appear as a wall around here) was built to keep out Arab terrorists. The people who demand that we stop building in our yishuv so they can fritter away more time not making peace with us? Arabs.
Nevertheless, I don’t like the word “hate.” It’s very strong, and there is nothing essentially hateful in an Arab. They are human beings, like we are. They eat, sleep, learn, work, love and live much as we do. They are as much God’s creation as we are, and I don’t think it’s right to hate them.
What I do sanction is anger at their leadership, those who would harm us or poison others against us, and suspicion of them in general. While there may be some who don’t deny the right of Jews to live in their ancestral homeland, this study done by the Israel Project indicates that most Arabs in Gaza and the West Bank would like to see Israel disappear and be replaced by a Palestinian state. This isn’t shocking to me, or even surprising. I don’t blame them, because honestly, I feel the same about them. I was honest with Peach when I told her that if I were to wake up tomorrow morning and this land would be magically empty of Arabs, I would breathe a sigh of relief, much of my low-grade but ever-present anxiety would melt away, and I would feel utterly joyous. I don’t want them dead, or harmed in any way. I want them safely, comfortably settled with dignity—somewhere else.
This, I would point out, is more than can be said for most Arabs. Violence against Jews is common currency in Arab society and shedding Jewish blood scores major brownie points. (Consider the fact that this Arab man, released from prison and accused by others in his community of being a collaborator, sought to restore his own reputation by stabbing a Jewish woman.) In addition, while I’m honest about the facts of what happens in Israel with Peach, I try to discourage her from hating even those who wish us dead and I certainly don’t teach her hateful, nasty, biologically absurd ideas about our enemies being descended from pigs and monkeys the way Arabs teach their children about Jews.
Perhaps because I deliberately keep my views about Arabs complex and murky, I can tell that Beans is sometimes confused. She has at least one Arab man working at her school, and she speaks of him as a friendly person. She is also eager to learn to speak Arabic. When I asked her why, she wasn’t sure, only that she seemed to think that it makes sense living where we live to understand each other. Yet at the same time, knowing what some Arabs have done (such as tried to blow up our little supermarket in Efrat years ago), she feels nervous around Arabs she doesn’t know. When I take her to the Rami Levi supermarket at the Gush Etzion Junction where Jews and Arabs work and shop alongside one another, she often asks softly if a group of Arab men entering the store in front of us are Arabs. The answer is usually yes, but I also point out to her that the security guard has a metal detector wand which he waves around every Arab man’s waistline, front and back, to prevent anyone with an explosive belt from entering the building. I don’t know if that makes her feel better (or me, for that matter), but I try to show her that while Arabs are allowed to shop in Jewish-owned stores, given the past behavior of some Arabs THEY are the ones who get the wand treatment, and I (a woman with fair hair and skin, young children in tow, and only a small pack around my waist outside my shirt) do not.
There are times when I think that playing the game by Arab rules is appropriate. Meeting violence with harsh reprisals (targeted killings, air strikes in response to missiles fired at Israel, life imprisonment with no chance of parole or exchange for those with blood on their hands) is the very least Israel can do to maintain its self-respect when dealing with people who see mercy as weakness, justice as laughable, restraint as capitulation, and targeting civilians as legitimate. But when it comes to hatred, glorification of murder and suicide, and dehumanization, I think Israel is wise not to join them. Our God commands us to love life and do all we can to preserve it—theirs as well as ours. This is an area where I think Israel really gets it right.
Does it make life any easier, or my lessons to my children any clearer? Definitely not. But life is rarely that easy. It’s part of the epiphany I had the other day where I realized that there is nothing more fulfilling than being Jewish, and at the same time nothing as burdensome.
I’d like to suggest that you cut the PC hatred of the word “hate” and go along and say that you hate Arabs. Put it this way: you may not hate Arab people but you hate “Arabism” (i.e. Islam – the dogma that rules their lives) and what it stands for. Trying to say that Arabs are characterized first and foremost by their food, music, and means of transportation is like saying that Jews are characterized first and foremost by their kugels and Shabbat zmirot.
We’re not – we’re Jews because of our belief systems in God and how we consummate that belief with the greater Jewish community. But this is perhaps part of the larger problem within Western society – that even Jews are characterized by their outward appearances. Would you say that the primary way to characterize a Hareidi person is by the stereotypical black hat and peyot? No. Yet this is how Jews have been characterized even in Nazi propaganda until this day. So why should we pay attention when the West does the same to the Arabs? Shouldn’t we pay attention to their beliefs before we pay attention to their headdresses?
Misplacing anger at the Palestinian leadership instead of towards the Palestinian people is like misplacing anger against the Nazi state with Hitler. Was Hitler the one who was directly responsible for the deaths of millions of Jews? Yes. Are the leaders of Hamas, Hezbollah, Fatah, and others directly responsible for the deaths of thousands of Israeli civilians? Similarly yes. But you cannot deny the fact that none of these rulers are backed up by the general population. The majority of Germans during the Holocaust supported Judenrein policies. The majority of Arabs, even now, support Judenrein policies of a similar nature. If the Germans did not support these policies, more Jews would have been hidden and saved by humanist Germans. They were not. There are less than 1,000 people, out of millions living across Nazi Europe, who saved Jews to earn the title of Righteous Among the Nations.
No statement like “I Hate Arabs” is ever absolute – it merely demonstrates a hatred of the majority. It’s like when conservatives say “I hate liberals” – does the fact that they have a liberal family member mean that they hate that family member? No. Does such language demonstrate a proposed course of action (i.e. killing liberals)? Not in a million years.
But does such language remind us who our enemies are? Oh h- yes. It helps remind us that people neither people like Abbas nor the democratic movement in Iran are true friends of Israel. It helps remind us that there’s no such thing as “moderate” Islamism, which merely tries to use PC channels – diplomacy and the like – to effect Islamist rule, rather than violence and war. It helps remind us that, just like singles may be tempted by the flesh but that intermarriage never works, we need to disregard how they appear in public – on the television and in the workplace – to remind ourselves of who they truly are inside. This is a fundamentally and powerfully Jewish idea – that people are the individuals that they are because of their personalities and not because of how much skin they show or which tattoos they wear. Physical appearances are mere windows to the soul, and the Arab soul is, overwhelmingly, dedicated to the death of all Jews and Judaism. If it is wrong to hate that then God help us all.
I would also have felt uneasy if I had heard your daughter’s remark. I like how your try to teach your children the diffrences between not liking and hating.
I wonder whether Beans will study Arabic in the future. It certainly makes sense where you live.
Arabs – thankfully we’ve had the chance to know a few as friends (though for what its worth, the ones we have had real friendships with are all Christian arabs, though from different villages and different christian groups). Likewise, both my children were on ha’saah over time with arab drivers (though in this case, mostly druze, i think though not sure) who the kids got to know – the one who drove gan hova for their gan for over 10 years now sees them around town and still greets them and used to bring sweets in for the kids before jewish holidays, etc (always checking kashurt). Having more friendship type relationships has definitely helps with the explanations and distinctions.
My children are a bit older than yours so at this point we’ve had more in depth conversations about this entire issue. In particular about the concept of individuals vs leadership/group mentality – There are BAD arabs but there are also good arabs who want the same things we do, unfortunately the leadership are more of the bad type, etc. And my kids were painfully aware of hizballa as they were older already at the time of the war a few years ago with lebanon and spent time running to the bomb shelter, sleeping there, etc.
We do feel we are battling against the attitudes of the dati-leumi community and schools on this point however. There is no doubt that they are VERY right wing and do not take pains in terms of keeping balance or anything close to it when speaking of arabs. Especially after the war, my kids came back from school with more than a bit of ‘hate speech’ phrases, mostly learned from friends i believe but its not like the school administration and teachers were running around correcting it.
Its never simple but then again, neither is life. One thing we try to point out is that just like you cannot know every arab is bad, even if many are not nice to jews, likewise you cannot assume every jew is good, no matter how ‘frum’ they look. We figure this is a chance to get that other message across in terms of making sure the kids don’t get lulled into thinking every frum person is doing good lest they fall prey to any unscrupulous sorts of that type.
sol: I appreciate your comments, but I still think that blanket hatred for people is not the goal. It is telling though that the violent, disgusting acts of some Arabs do taint the image of Arabs as a whole, and that cannot be denied. I sometimes wish for the clarity to be able to say I hate Arabs, but that’s not really who I am. I think it’s enough for me not to assume they’re all good any more than I would assume they’re all bad. When I’ve shopped with Arab women, I’ve had the experience of great courtesy and kindness from them, and total rudeness (which led me to simply shove one out of my way without apology when she saw me but refused to move). Even the ones I can exchange a courtesy with, I know probably want me gone (or dead). I can only say that I also want them gone. Perhaps neither of us will get our wish.
Ilana-Davita: Lots of Israeli kids learn Arabic. Beans will probably have the opportunity in high school, at least.
Shoshana: Thanks for your comment and story. I agree that it’s important to teach the kids the complexities of Jewish society as well as all the other complexities. My family is very much a part of the dati-leumi world, but even within that world there is a range of attitudes toward Arabs. We’re somewhere in the middle of that, neither kumbaya-singing nor wholesale hating. Some of Peach’s conclusions are drawn from hearsay and experiences of kids she’s known. People in Efrat generally enjoy civil relations with neighboring Arab villages, but most of us don’t kid ourselves that the Arabs actually LIKE us. It’s more mutual tolerance we enjoy, at least for now. That’s as much as we can hope for.
This is the first time i read your blog , I am an arabic person outside palestine.
I think the main problem in this conflict is the bad image about each other , i liked your attitude in teaching your kids but not all jews like you , same is here , for example i dont hate jews , my grandpa used to tell me stories about his jew friend who lived next door from him and what they used to do in the past, but at the same time there is people here hate jew more than anything else , i think the main reason in this misunderstanding is the media , they dont deliver the right news , they dont tell the whole story , and they try to use the hate story as a reason for achieving more selling and to cover up what happens inside the my country
from your blog i see you , as a normal woman living your life , day by day , this is what is life here , so instead of focusing on differences why we dont try to see the similarities and try to live together without any killing or hate
Moha: Thank you for your comment. It’s comforting to know that there are Arabs in the world who don’t hate Jews. And I agree that the media contributes to a large share of that hatred through lousy reporting of the real state of things. But schools and mosques here and elsewhere in the Arab world also teach and preach hatred of Jews, jihad, and martyrdom. For a television show based on the fabricated Protocols of the Elders of Zion to have aired in the past few years in Egypt is a pretty bleak view of the enlightenment of our “peace partners” and what more can one expect of Arab Palestinians?
You wrote, “instead of focusing on differences why we dont try to see the similarities and try to live together without any killing or hate.” Sign me up.
Moha –
I’d be more than happy to live with Arab neighbors alongside me but Arabs have GOT to stop delegitimizing Israel, stop the terrorism, and demonstrate a genuine willingness to help Palestinians.
If Iran was serious about living in peace with Israel, it would stop funding Hamas and Hezbollah.
If the Palestinian Authority was serious about living alongside a Jewish state in peace, it would not challenge the Western Wall / Kotel as a Jewish holy site.
If the Arab nations were serious about helping the Palestinians they would offer to absorb the Palestinians who THEY define to be “refugees”.
If you – the so called peace-loving Arabs – were serious about peace you would stop electing leaders who aren’t serious about it, or possibly immigrate to a country that is at peace and has none of the Arab hate – the US or a European country.
Sorry, but nothing gives me or any of the other Israelis who vote the Israeli Right into power time and again any reason to be optimistic.
-Shimshonit:
as i said the media is blocking most of the truth , for example jihad is an obligation in one case only to defend your life and protect your family not to kill innocent people regardless of their religious or ethnic .
when we wake up everyday and see the television or read the newspaper we see images of crying childrens , dead people and destroyed cities from palestine “only” put we dont see the other image from israel , we have alot of radicals people who think their words are from God , they use those images and call for jihad “in its wrong meaning” and killing jews people (and i am sure that this also happens at your country too , and you have people like those asking for killing arabs everyday )
-sol:
for iran , if you read wikileaks documents you can see clearly that arbaic nations is more afraid from iran than isreal , and iran funds hezbollah and hamas , but iran is only a part from the problem ,and i am sure there is alot of people who has personal interests in keeping both arabic and jews in wars ,and by the way iran is not an arbaic country
if we tried to show the right image from both sides and to hear each other more clearly without any barriers or without missleading pictures we can solve this problem once and for all
for the western wall problem i will try to google it to know what do you mean exactly and talk to you again
and we are not -so called peace lover- we are truly peace loving people , do you think i want to die in a war that i dont know why i got in it , or to have my family or anybody family to be killed because some peoble are not able to understand that the world is moving and we still talking about things happend from 62 years ago , no i dont
Moha-
Iran isn’t an Arab nation but Hamas and Hezbollah are definitely not Persian either. The differences (correct me if I’m wrong) today are no more than regional custom and dialect; meaning, Muslim Middle-Easterners consider themselves Muslim before they consider themselves Arab or Persian, and follow Islamic theology – fatwas etc. from the imams they follow – before and kind of regional loyalty/interests. The point of which being, you look at Muslims in Southeast Asia, and the vast majority of them hate Israel as well, out of a sense of Muslim brotherhood rather than any idiotic notions of a Zionist presence in Southeast Asia.
Iran has made strange bedfellows of Arabs and Israelis but that doesn’t mean that, if Iran stopped being a destabilizing influence tomorrow, the Arabs and Israel would suddenly become friends. The enemy of my enemy is my friend but only so long as my enemy remains my enemy and I point this out from the Arab perspective. Pan-Arabism is not dead – not by a long shot.
Western Wall story source: http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3989443,00.html